


acting on impulse

by peachsneakers



Series: preservation of the self [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Gen, Morally Neutral Deceit Sanders, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 13:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19724527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: It's not like his own creativity doesn't botherhimselfsometimes.





	acting on impulse

**Author's Note:**

> remus seriously says a LOT of random suicidal/self-harm things, so be careful.

"I don't know why I bother," Deceit's lazy drawl seeps into Remus's ears. The normally hyper-excitable side looks up dully at the sight of his friend, only a ghost of a smile creeping across his face. "I cannot see at all that you're like _this_ again."

"Have you ever thought about what you'd look like if you jumped off a cliff?" Remus asks brightly. His eyes swim in shadows.

"All the time," Deceit says. "What's brought this on?" Remus shrugs, listless.

"You know I don't know that," he says. "I wonder what a noose would feel like."

"That is totally not enough out of you," Deceit sneers. He snaps gloved fingers and Remus sprawls across a chair in Deceit's own room. Remus's mouth falls open. He's almost _never_ invited here. He's too excitable for the more sedate Dark Side, too unpredictable.

...Maybe he's doing worse than he thought he was.

"Roman hates me," he says, and it has the ring of sincerity. Deceit frowns.

"I'm sure," he says. "Or rather, I doubt it. His emotions seem very...complicated. You'd have to ask _Patton_ to figure them out." Remus laughs, the sound trailing into a helpless cackle. The eyeliner around his eyes intensifies until he resembles Virgil.

_Have you ever thought of ducking out?_

"Do not," Deceit warns, yellow eye crackling with intensity. Remus giggles again.

"Do not what?" He asks. "Think about my own brother, despising me since my very creation? Think about jumping out of a moving car? Think about eating yet another can of deodorant that my brother _still_ hasn't figured out is actually marshmallow fondant?"

"And thank God for that," Deceit mutters under his breath.

"I could jump into a river and drown," Remus says. "I could jump out of an airplane without a parachute. I'd go splat! when I hit the ground. Can you imagine? Imagine with me, why don't you-"

"No," Deceit says flatly. Remus pouts at him. "And fading out is forbidden." Remus opens his mouth to ask if that was a lie or not, then abruptly shuts it when he sees the look on Deceit's face. Perhaps now isn't the time. (When is the time?)

"Do you think Thomas will ever accept me?" Remus asks wistfully. "Me and all the... _juicy_ stuff."

"I don't know," Deceit admits. "But he has accepted Virgil, has he not? And we both know _Virgil's_ past..." He trails off suggestively. Remus grins, but there's no humor in it. He misses Virgil, although he knows that he always scared the living embodiment of Anxiety. How could he not? But they'd had some okay times, back when they were both on this side of the mind. When they-

"What if you broke your own legs with a hammer?" He asks aloud, the thought popping into his mind.

"This is why I'm keeping you here," Deceit informs him. His tone sounds alarmingly brittle. " _Your_ room is all too capable of conjuring this up."

"Can't help that," Remus says, shrugging.

"Right, that's it," Deceit says, jumping up and dragging Remus to his feet. "I totally don't have a plan and it's absolutely destined for success without question."

"We're fucked!" Remus chirps just as they fall through the floor and end up in front of a shocked Roman.

"And what are you two doing here?" Roman demands, his eyes narrowed.

"Your brother," Deceit says, shoving Remus at him. To Remus's shock, his brother catches him.

"Have you ever thought of taking all the pills in the medicine cabinet?" Remus asks. Roman's eyes widen now, in horror and what looks like...

Understanding?

"Prince," Deceit says, stepping closer, until Remus can't see light between him and Roman anymore. "This is the honest truth. If you hurt your brother, I will hurt you. A lot. And I will enjoy it. Do you understand me?"

Roman swallows.

"Crystal," he croaks out. Deceit smiles genially, stepping back.

"Excellent," he purrs. "Do have a terrible visit, Remus." Remus and Roman watch him disappear, before Remus turns to his white-clad brother.

"Deodorant stick?" He says brightly, fishing a fresh one out of his pocket.


End file.
